I could spit on a stranger.

I remember fondly back in Christmas break of 1994, I rented some movies for my mom and I to watch. One of those movies was John Waters’ Serial Mom. I thought that it was a cute family comedy for moms, so I rented it. My mom was a bit busy with work so I ended up watching the movies alone. My god, did I love ‘Serial Mom.’

It was hilarious! And I was only 5! All the brutal killings were funny! My favorite was the one where Beverly (Kathleen Turner) killed this old hag with a leg of lamb. This was around the time that I saw Annie the Musical. In that scene, the old hag was singing “Tomorrow” while getting her head bumped with lamb. Hilarious. The gore factor didn’t bother me because I was laughing at every goddamn bloody scene!

Anyway, this afternoon at Ciciboy’s place after jamming with him and Tomi, we watched Serial Mom again. I kept thinking in my mind, “Holy fuck, did my mom really let me watch this back when I was 5?” Oh yeah, she did.

See, that I somehow cannot understand. She would let me watch Pulp Fiction, Schindler’s List (I was horrified by it. Up to this day, I haven’t grown the balls yet to see it again. All those kids hiding in shit. God, horrible.), Serial Mom, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and other fucked up things like Carlos Siguion-Reyna’s Kahapon, May Dalawang Bata. (It was either a GP flick about an alien robot, or a highly controversial PG-13 rated Tagalog film about sacrificing virgins and raping one’s daugther. Of course, I went with the Tagalog one. It had sex and Jennifer Sevilla sticking a bottle up her vajayjay.)

Then there’s the films she wouldn’t let me watch. Films with nudity like The Piano or Rosanna Roces movies. Whenever she’s gonna watch something like that, she’d ask me to go to sleep early. It’s quite effective, really. I mean, up to this day I still haven’t seen The Piano. I still think that if I ever do see it, my mom would suddenly burst in my room and ask me to sleep early. Scary stuff, I know. Around 3 years ago, she was watching Liberated 2, the one with Francine Prieto and Diana Zubiri, she asked me to go to sleep. Little did she know, I’ve already seen it in the cinema. Snoochy-boochies.

Back in 1997, I was 8, I rented Tales from the Crypt’s Bordello of Blood and Howard Stern’s Private Parts. The girl in the video store asked me why was I renting a film with nudity. I panicked and quickly returned Private Parts and got only Bordello of Blood. I mean, come on! Howard Stern naked on the cover? That movie will have a lot of nudity! Well, I was wrong. Apparently, the girl was describing Bordello of Blood which had naked vampire chicks with huge boobies and lots of sex–Oh, and Dennis Miller.

Again, good thing my mom wasn’t there while I was watching it.

I think, what I’m trying to say is: “Here’s to all the moms who covered our eyes when Rose posed nude wearing only the necklace (and only the necklace) for Jack in Titanic!” Oh, and HOORAY FOR PG-7 movies with boobies!