I could spit on a stranger.

I asked my mom to buy me some underwear because my briefs and boxers were starting to look like fried bacons. I asked her to do it because I had to take my awesome brothers to see The Incredible Hulk (which WAS INCREDIBLE). Now, I’m a little cheap-ass when it comes to underwear. I like the 3 for 100 bargains and shit, because honestly they’re all the same. Imagine my surprise when my mom got me stuff from Bench Body which costs like a bazillion pesos. Gah, and I had to pay for it.

Honestly, I hate expensive underwear because they’re not laden with fairy dust which would turn me instantly to this:

What is it with these Male Bench Models? They’re all so sexy and gay which makes me want to puke every time I see humongous billboards of them scattered across Metro Manila. If they’re supposed to make us buy briefs, then why use sexy men to advertise them? I mean, no heterosexual guy would stare at Dingdong Dantes’ crotch and go, “Ohhh, nice. I think I’ll go and buy this.“

This is why I conclude that Bench Body really targets the homosexuals (no offense).

Hooray for the heterosexual plain white briefs!

I’ve got a suggestion for Bench: Why not take Francine Prieto and make her wear male briefs. Seriously, the moment I see that I’ll buy whatever she’s wearing in a heartbeat. Plus, a female wearing men’s briefs? It spells sexxxy for me (and not lesbian).

—————-

After months and months of complaining at generic call center agents because of my crappy Smart Bro connection, they finally had the guts to conquer my house and fix teh internet. It’s now faster than ever and my download speeds are actually decent. Hooray for Torrents!

Because I was such in an “Oh-my-god-I-don’t-have-somebody-to-love” mood, I went off and downloaded Brief Encounter to shove the knife in my heart even deeper (emo). Before there was Before Sunrise and Sunset, Once, and Quiet City… There was Brief Encounter.

I fucking love classic movies, especially the sweeping love epic ones. An exception would be Gone With The Wind. I hated it! Scarlett O’Hara is a huge bitch, and that movie is all about her being a bitch. 230 minutes of her bitching around. Rhett Butler on the other hand, now he’s the guy that I want to be. Suave and sexxay!

Scarlett O’Hara: Rhett, if you go, where shall I go? What shall I do?
Rhett Butler: Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.

Rhett Butler, For Teh Win!

It’s sad to know that due to the internet, due to vanity, due to changes in the way people perceive love and all–we could never ever love again like the people in black and white movies. Srsly. I know I can, but with whom? Oh, my Ilse Lund… where art thou?