I could spit on a stranger.

Marie. Jeni. Jenny. Jhenny. Hazel. Steph. Stef. Olivia. Beybeh. I could never have any of you.
I can’t marry a rich girl because she only cleans up because she has issues.
I can’t marry a poor girl. She doesn’t need to clean because she don’t got stuff: I’ll have to buy it for her.
I can’t love a military or a rebel girl because they either grow old killing a lot of people or die young fighting a war she doesn’t understand.
I can’t love a free spirit, because she’ll leave.
Can’t marry a homebody because she’ll never leave.
Can’t love a health buff because she won’t stop buffing.
Can’t marry the fat one because she’ll never stop eating.
Can’t love the artist because she loves her art.
Can’t marry the university girl because she wants a university boy.
Can’t get down with the butcher because she stinks.
Can’t be with an achiever because she’s too square to try anything new.
The overachiever doesn’t have the time.
The underachiever just doesn’t.
The failure gets left behind.
The loyal one is a bore.
The honest ones are stone cold bitches.

Audrey. Aubrey. Annie. Bonnie. Len. Dane. Gara. Berry. Shale. Shine. French. Melen. She. Che. Fe. Je. Me-ann. Ness. Rina. Tina. Cora. Anch. Raisia. Raisa. Rebbie. Vita. Vina. Dita…

Mga putangina ninyong lahat, iniwan nyo ko.

Alan Navarra’s Girl Trouble is practically has everything that I need today. Mix it with a box (or two) of cigarettes, a couple of bottle of beers, and a fully-charged iPod, and you’re good to go.

Skip all the sappy “I Love You’s” and roses and holding hands. Get a fucking book, sit down, and read. Girl Trouble will be everything you need today, trust me.

At 250 pesos, it’s also the perfect gift for today. Slap it across your girlfriend’s face and say to her: “These are my problems. Read so you could understand me, you biaatch!” Or if you’re just alone and “love-less” like moi, go ahead and let’s share sappy heartaches laden with angst-enriched words and curses.

Loves et.

Oh yeah, I refuse to greet you a Happy Valentine’s Day.